50 Shades in Spanish, Barnes & Noble, Rockford, IL.  Photo by author.

50 Shades in Spanish, Barnes & Noble, Rockford, IL. Photo by author.

Some yell Spanish is a mortal threat to these United States.  English is on the run, in their minds.  Let another migrant farm worker in from a Central American nation like Belize, oops, it’s English-speaking, make that one more Guatemalan lawnmower – and our culture will crash. 

Tacos taking over for hamburgers in McDonalds Value Meals, Easter replaced with an even bigger, more celebrated Easter, apple pie will go the way of the Edsel, its vacuum filled by fresh avocado guacamole, Lucha Libre wrestling will crush WWE wrestling, and Japanese-created Pokemon will die at the hands of Virgen de Guadalupe votive candles.  New York will rename Central Park, “El Centro”.  Chicago’s “Grant Park” will now be its “Zocalo Juarez.”  PSY’s nutty video and Top 3 Billboard hit “Gangham Style” will disappear, replaced by the telenovela-dramatic video “¡Corre!” of Jesse y Joy, and E.L. James will be replaced by Mario Vargas Llosa.  Mark their words, the United States culture you know now is gone- it’ll be a land of tequila, Catholic churches, burrito joints, and Corona at the hands of Spanish-speaking immigrants.

What those anti-Spanish folks fail to consider is immigrants almost always come to the US wanting to fit in.  And even if they don’t, their children will.  American entertainment: movies, sports, books and music, as well as our business establishment slowly suck the native country out of the newcomer and her offspring. 

At Barnes & Noble, the Libros En Español display today showed the “threat”.  Never mind 98% of the store is English-language books.  Look at what’s selling in Español.  Top shelf goes to the 50 Shades trilogy.  

What’s the threat here?  Spanish?  Poor, over-the-top, predictable writing?   A shortage of Marquis de Sade clothing at your local Spencer store?

If I catch my lawnmower sitting under a shady tree, curled up with  CINCUENTA SOMBRAS DE GREY, then, yes, our Republic is doomed.  But not for the reason the nativist thinks…



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